The week began with a trickle of vitality. It created the sensation that begins to approximate coming closer to myself. I took this as a good sign and pushed ahead to complete two luxurious scarves that were mailed off to Detroit on Wednesday. In between ignoring pain by spending countless knitting hours by the fire I made many many sandwiches. The Panini’s and specialty sandwiches seem to be the most popular. At least my co-workers seem to enjoy them.
This makes Dan my dept. manager pretty happy, and that is a good thing.
I came out of work one day to snow on my car and while brushing it off, burst into tears at the discovery that another season has begun with Mom and Molly still gone. I figured it is time to face that they are not coming back. So on my way home I picked up a small Christmas tree.
The bright lights remind me of the continuity and renewal of life. It is hard to be down when there is so much color glowing in a corner, and it was also wonderful unwrapping ornaments not seen during the years of caring for mom.
Saturday was the monthly service in South Natick with my Natick Praying Indians family. Afterwards many of us gathered for a holiday feast. There was lots of good food, and laughter.
Earlier that day I had spent several hours cooking wonderful dishes and plating them on mom’s serving pieces. My mom, in fact both my parents, were wonderful at entertaining. I felt guided by her in some small measure while selecting the table linens, dishes, and decor. She may not have been able to relate to Native Regalia or Christmas trees but she sure knew what to consider in making a good party, and she taught me well.
Chief Caring Hands and her family had a wonderful time and it was great to feel the house filled with the possibility of friendship.
Herb made a beautiful cake to celebrate both Peter and Harry’s birthdays. The kids had a great time helping to blow out the candles.
There were wonderful conversations flowing easily around the room as we all learned more about each other than we knew before.
By the time the evening ended it with Herb, Kim and Hannah helping with clean-up, it was way past my bedtime. Oddly, although exhausted, I also felt full and complete in a way I haven’t experienced in a long time.
Getting into bed warmed by the after glow of good food, thought provoking conversation, and laughter, I was smiling. I couldn’t help but think about mom and how she unknowingly orchestrated my introduction to the very people who monthly, have become so pivotal to my recovery.
Though things are still difficult, there are signs that life is slowly but surely re-asserting itself and that my friends is a HUGE relief. This knowing makes it possible to go on making sandwiches for six hours a day with one fifteen minute break, and working my knitting therapy the rest of the time. I may not have the capacity to share too much these days, but believe me, there is plenty good goin’ on.