Room by Room

Last Friday, mom’s bed, frame, and headboard left for a good home where it was badly needed. I was excited about having more space to play with, and feeling great about the person receiving it. I did have a few moments of sadness standing in the near empty room after it was out of the house, but a bit of reassurance from Erin sent me happily off to bed.

On Saturday morning, I spent some time sitting on the floor in the middle of the space with my coffee, happily planning the new configuration. A couple of hours later, I glanced into the room, and headed off to visit a friend. Ten minutes into my drive I experienced a sensation similar to the time I walked into a plate-glass window, and ended up with an embarrassing bruise on my nose.

I thought about all the times I had crawled into bed (different mattress, same headboard) with my parents as a child. I was flooded with memories of lying in bed with mom over the time of our living together. Then most profoundly, from the night we came home from Cirque and laid face to face chatting about it, through the holding, singing, ascending time a week later.

Mindful, that I was in fact still responsible for a whole vehicle, I took extra care, while sobbing loudly most of the way to my destination. There is something freeing about crying while moving, a sort of leaving the tears behind. Eventually on a back road, soothed by the beautiful colors of changing trees, and dropping leaves, the sadness was out of the way, and the connection with mom was all that remained.

Eventually, I will re-finish the dressers in black and add new drawer pulls, but this is how it is emerging.

It was a tough week, going through papers, moving furniture, and many other items many times, yet it was also very exciting. A process of reclamation and lightening. (although my heart goes out to the workers who have to pick up the recycling this week) Room by room the house is changing, and so am I.  And then a sweet surprise arrived.



Super Sweet Blogging Award:

Much love and gratitude to Corinne from Soulsnet who nominated me for the Super Sweet Blogging Award. Corinne is a compassionate woman, who writes an inspiring blog from her adventures in the everyday. What I especially enjoy about it is the format. In each post she includes her thoughts, a poem, and photographs. This combination offers deep considerations that lead to interesting connections in a variety of ways.

Corinne received the award from Rebecca of Clanmother .  Rebecca had a refreshing take on blogging awards. She reminds me that it is important to acknowledge our lineage, or the steps that have brought us to this sacred moment.

I began blogging to hold myself accountable to an accurate reflection of the stages of caregiving provided to my mom. Each time I wrote about what we were experiencing it helped deepen or ground the details. As readership grew, the journey began to include other voices. The kindest of souls held my hand, offering  support, wisdom, insight and practical advice. In this after-time of mom’s passing, the sadness of grief has been shared by friends from around the world. If not for blogging and the internet, there would not be such treasured companions offering the warmth of healing. I can not imagine going through life now without them.

“Blogger awards are about recognizing individuals who have inspired our journey. We have a common goal to make a difference in the lives of our families, friends and extended community, local and global.” – Rebecca of Clanmother

And so I think it is now incumbent upon me to answer some questions: The rules include answering 5 questions and nominating others for this noteworthy award.

  1. Cookies or Cake?  Answer:  Homemade Crinkle Cookies.
  2. Chocolate or Vanilla?  Answer:  Although I am quite fond of really good vanilla and use it generously in all my baking – chocolate, always chocolate, the best quality that is available.
  3. What is your favourite sweet treat? Answer:  A great cup of coffee with cream AND raw sugar
  4. When do you crave sweet things the most?  Answer:  After big meals, or when longing for, or recovering from intimate love.
  5. If you had a sweet nickname, what would it be?  Answer: Beth Sweetie

Sharing the semi-sweet, bittersweet, sweet, and un-sweetness of life, isn’t that what blogging is all about? Inspired by all of you, and sharing the transformation that comes from the sound of many voices, one post at a time.

Thank you Corinne. … and to Rebecca, may our voices continue to be heard and provide ‘sweet’ sustenance in ever increasing numbers.

My nominees:

Hello my sweeties, I have just nominated your blog for the Super Sweet Blogging Award:

Boomie Bol. Boomie writes with wild abandon and sensuality. I continue to be, ahem, stimulated by her musings.

Russell Ray, of Russell Ray Photos. Russell has a wonderful way of combining factoids, tidbits, history, and observations about life with bold clean images. I am sure to find something to make me smile and feel good about life.

Andy, of My Story to You… Andy usually shares and image followed by a brief, but powerfully insightful message. Often just the thing that is needed to anchor a positiveness to my day.

Born by a River. This is a wonderful blog, written by a courageous woman who is sharing her healing from the loss of her mother to Pancreatic Cancer. I am always moved by her insight and ability to share so transparently what most of us never speak of.

Baby Boomers and More. This is a great blog about the joys, challenges, and experiences of aging – and doing it well. Very informative and offering wonderful observations.

Sharmishtha Basu’s Poetries. Sharmishtha writes some very poignant, beautiful poems. They are always food for thought.

Amy Lapetina, Seasons of Life. Amy is a relative newcomer to blogging. I am nominating her for this award for bravely going where her blog takes her, regardless of what others may think. Going forward looking forward to hearing more of her thoughts.

Again, many thanks to Corinne for adding some sweet to my week!

Much love to you all.

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About bakka2thesource.com

"Now faith is the substance of things hoped for, the evidence of things not seen." Hebrews 11:1 bakka2thesource a collaboration of musicians and artists.
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34 Responses to Room by Room

  1. andy1076 says:

    Thank you so much for your kind words and nomination Beth, you’re too kind! God bless 🙂

  2. thank you so very much beth. i am honoured that you like my poems.

  3. lapetinaa says:

    Beth – Wow! I was just feeling like giving up my writing (even though I seem to need it more these days for therapeutic reasons) and now I am more determined than ever to keep it going. Thank you for reading my blog, for giving me the encouragement to continue, and for the kind words. xxxxxx

  4. boomiebol says:

    Congratulations on the award and mighty thanks for the nomination 🙂

  5. Barry Katz says:

    Beth….I am thrilled that you are so open to sharing. Your ability to put words to your deeply personal experiences is wonderful. We as humans are blessed with memories.

    • Thanks Barry, sometimes I wonder if I’ve gone too far or if others are bored with the process, and then I keep posting because it helps me to feel connected and less alone. You are so right about memories being a blessing. I love following the posts with you and your dad on Facebook. May your healing continue. much love to you and your family.

  6. Thank you so much for your kind words, Beth. And thank you too for being part of my new blogging community. You are right, we are able to share life in all its varying degrees of sweetness and I look forward to visiting and connecting with your nominees.

    With love

  7. Clanmother says:

    Congratulations on your well deserved award! And congratulations to those amazing bloggers who received your nomination!!

  8. Sylvie says:

    The room looks great! ok, let it be said that Beth makes the BEST chocolate crinkle cookies ever…I even smuggled some home on the plane last year and savoured the crumbles for days….and embarrassed to say not even sharing them with my kids

    • Oh you sweet one. The room is getting cozier, by January or February I will have the memory quilt on my bed to really pull it together, hope to have the furniture refinished by then. I can’t wait to see all mom, molly, and my fabrics co-mingled in warmth! And no worries, if you come to visit I promise to bake you an exclusive Sylvie batch, maybe one or two will make it home to your guys. (how’s that for a bribe)

  9. EllaDee says:

    I enjoy following your progress/process and also knowing that after such a huge event their is a process/progress available. Sweet 🙂

    • Thanks Dale. It is pretty amazing yes? It would appear, although grieving far from over, I am definitely on the mend. It is easier to manage the feelings of devastation, with a few of these ambushes under my belt, because it is obvious that they do end, and transform into something far more precious. I appreciate your patience and understanding as you follow along, I had hoped to be writing about other things by now. sigh. lesson learned. be here now for as long as it takes. much love to you.

  10. I am a bad driver. I have driven while crying, and driven while angry, and I find the latter the worse.

    • You are absolutely correct!!!! Driving while angry – public and self endangerment extraordinaire. I am pretty sure I was QUITE angry the day I ran over my feet with my own car. It’s been a few months now and I am still trying to live that one down.

      Driving while crying on the other hand for some reason, slows me down and makes me MORE aware of the other cars, like they are fellow performer in the sobfest orchestra. At any rate, hope you will stay safe driving and otherwise. You have become such a valuable part of my community that I can’t even imagine a time before or after Clare-isms, Clare-ness, and Clare-voyance!!!! much love.

  11. Congratulations, dear Beth on this lovely award. 🙂

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