Curiosity, and the Will to Continue

Jewelry and Firearms, announced the oversized sign in a merchant’s window in Northern Idaho. At the end of May, from the safety of traveling beside my beloved, the combination seemed nothing more than quirkily American. Today, I contemplate jewelry and firearms as somehow holding the key to the correct ratio of protein, carbs, and fat pre and post workout that will prevent a late afternoon blood sugar spike like the one that scared the crap out of me yesterday.

Wednesday is my favorite day. Most weeks, mom goes out for dinner with friends who graciously pick her up and drop her off. I call this naked night. Mind you, I am most often found fully clothed during the hours of five to eight, but the point is I could be.

Free from responsibilities, my walking companion and I were three quarters of the way along the 2.6 mile loop at the mall. We were happily chatting about nothing in particular when I became aware that the film of cold sweat covering my face was also winding its way down my spine, to be joined by shaky legs and slight disorientation. It was a little too reminiscent of the days before the diagnosis of my pancreatic tumor in January 2003. Present moment only moment, this is now that was then, the demons were silenced by stopping for water and we completed our walk.

I would like to report that I handled it well by going home to do yoga postures, or to write in my journal, but fear for me, has rarely been a helpful motivator for positive behavior. So I found myself after a sensible dinner of veggies and protein, proceeding to eat my way through several food groups. As surely as I am sitting here I know that jewelry and firearms are connected.

I turn to the dictionary. Glycol, insulin uptake, are these nothing more than important adornments to make more beautiful, to add luster?  Jewelry is made of something of great value, aren’t we all? Firearm – a rifle, pistol or other portable gun. Portable, a smaller or lighter version of something – like protein filled snacks? A gun is a device for discharging something. Fear? Jewelry and firearms, metaphor for our current economy or the way through to the other side?

Is it possible to become a serious athlete at 55, after years that include a long period of medical intervention and mild self neglect? The first part of this journey, as difficult as it was, seems to elude me now in the most basic of ways. Trying to figure this out, I stop to consider and trust my own voice about where to access information that is needed.

This morning I put on my leggings to row on the porch. I make sure that I am adequately hydrated and add an egg for good measure before my protein shake.  More determined now than ever that this is far greater a portable defense than mere adornment.



"Now faith is the substance of things hoped for, the evidence of things not seen." Hebrews 11:1 bakka2thesource a collaboration of musicians and artists.
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One Response to Curiosity, and the Will to Continue

  1. Manager says:

    Beth, you amaze me with your metaphors about life. I could read you all day.

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